“I saw him wearing sunglasses with his car windows down and I wanted to throw up.”
“Last week he wore black show socks instead of white and I’m not going to lie — I don’t think I can ever look at him the same.”
You’ve probably heard quotes like these from friends before. Maybe you even laughed when you heard them. But humor doesn’t make the mindset behind them harmless.
Disliking someone should come down to substance, maybe they can’t hold a conversation or show basic respect, not because their shorts are a few centimeters too short. Yet many of the so-called “icks” people list feel strangely manufactured, almost as if the goal is to find something wrong rather than to genuinely evaluate compatibility.
This constant search for something “off” in another person often says less about them and more about an unwillingness, or unreadiness, to accept people as they are, flaws included.
What’s even more telling is that most people don’t apply these same standards to friendships. And if they do, chances are they don’t keep many friends. The entire purpose of finding your people is to exist comfortably and authentically around them. If that’s the goal in friendships, why shouldn’t the same comfort and vulnerability exist in romantic relationships?
This mindset may help explain why so many high school relationships burn out quickly. It can feel less like people are searching for connection and more like they’re searching for an exit or a reason to leave before anything real has the chance to form.
Creating or exaggerating “icks” builds invisible barriers. It sets an expiration date on relationships before they’ve even begun. In reality, meaningful connections usually require pushing past initial discomfort or imperfection. But if someone is constantly judging, they’ll never allow themselves to cross that threshold.
Even if some “icks” are just exaggerated jokes shared among friends, broadcasting them can have real consequences. It doesn’t just close you off from one person, it can shape how others see them too.
Too often, someone starts talking to someone new, only for another person to share a past judgment or story that poisons the possibility of them ever working out. That kind of social sabotage is more than gossip; it’s actively limiting someone else’s chance at connection.
The idea of unconditional love feels distant — maybe even unrealistic — especially at seventeen. That kind of love takes time, maturity, and experience. But habits like obsessing over minor “icks” make something like unconditional acceptance almost impossible to develop.
Of course, there’s a difference between harmless quirks and genuinely unpleasant behavior. If someone bathes in cologne instead of soap or constantly picks their nose, that’s not an “ick”, that’s a hygiene issue. True “icks” tend to be random, harmless observations that often cross the line into unnecessary cruelty. Real relationships don’t fail because of small imperfections— they fail when we stop allowing people to be human.
