Madame web, a movie introducing the character sharing the same name, has finally come out. It is one of the worst movies I have ever had the displeasure of watching. I don’t have words to describe my pure and utter resentment for this miserable mediocre mess.

The acting of this movie wasn’t all bad, but the issue is the characters were written to be the most incompetent humans to have ever existed in our blessed universe. The movie is poorly written, due to it having the same writers as another terrible movie, Morbius. The culprits responsible, Matt Sazama & Burk Sharpless, wordsmiths of one of the worst Marvel movies, got put onto another script.

Dakota Johnson and Tahar Rahim were given a script with less detail than a restaurant’s menu. It feels like they tried to make all of the characters the most dim-witted dullards possible. The villain Ezekiel Sims played by Rahim, is supposed to be a rich evil Spiderman, with all of the powers plus the ability to see into the future, but his role is just unrealistically written. He somehow gets hit by Madame Web driving a car twice. Madame Web and the side characters are also written to be ignorant and simpleminded buffoons. They were so bad that I was rooting for Ezekiel Sims to win, whose whole goal is to kill the main character. The main characters are just so unlikeable, so maybe Sims has the right idea.

The plot of the story is not cohesive at all; it feels like a toddler got a laptop and was told to make a movie. None of the scenes really matter in the grand scheme of things, they have no weight towards the main story of the movie. All of the issues of the movie are caused by the main character and the incompetence of her compatriots. The only stand out scene is the subway scene where we get kind of introduced to her power of seeing into the future.  It causes nothing else in the movie to have any sort of point, because Madame Web can just see what’s going to happen in the future and completely counter it. Madame Web also miraculously gains brand new powers on the fly. The powers are ridiculous and get rid of any tension that could be felt in the story.

This movie is, plain and simple, a horrendous excuse for cinema. I do not recommend watching it; it’s not even funny how bad it is. It may be a little early to call it, but this may be the worst movie of 2024. It’s definitely the worst movie Marvel has made, by far.